Some of you out there may be wondering - how do I know if I have a cold or the flu? Well, I’ll give you the same answer as I would to a single person who is questioning whether or not they have found The One: when you know, you know.

As annoying as that answer can be (especially to a single person out in the dating trenches), it’s undeniably true. When you have the flu, you’ll be flipping pancakes one minute, and crawling back in bed the next.

If you’ve been afflicted this year, you know what I mean. If you haven’t yet, I’ve put together a short how-to regarding the flu.

How to Do the Flu:

It’s important to try to get sick on a holiday weekend - this blows for your husband but at least you have help and he’s not missing work. He will wish he’s at work, for he will work far harder with 3 children cooped up on a rainy day than he ever would at the office.

Next, go about your Saturday as you normally would - dress the children but hang back from the YMCA. Convince yourself the tickle in your throat is no big deal and you just need a nap.

Wake up 2 hours later only to find your throat tickle has been joined by raging chills and body aches. This is not good.

Walk to living room and immediately tell your husband you gotta lay back down. He will look at you with confused and pleading eyes, and you will feel bad that you’re deserting him, but you won’t feel that bad, because you feel THAT BAD. The good news is this gives the hubby special bonding time with the kids, and he can build that fort with them they got for Christmas. This quickly turns into a terrible idea because it comes with a billion metal rods that your 20 month old can now wield as weapons. Fall into a feverish sleep to the sound of fort materials hastily being thrown back in box and stored away forever in garage.

Toss and turn all night. Wake up at 4AM on Sunday and make a doctor appointment at a clinic directly on the race course of the Houston Marathon.

Lethargically drive yourself towards clinic at 8AM only to forget about that whole marathon scenario and be unable to get to appointment due to road closures.

Drop many F bombs loudly in your car. However, you have run a half marathon before and know how much it takes, so you wish the runners well as you drive quickly away. (Ain’t nobody want what you got!)

Locate nearby urgent care, get a positive result for flu, pick up meds and go back to bed.

Thankfully, your husband is the bomb, has already taken the kids to church and then on to your parents’ house. Your parents confirm their living saint status by keeping all three kids overnight so you can rest.

#Protip: Always pack an overnight bag for the kids when they visit the grandparents. You never know when a sleepover invitation will be offered! Or begged for. By you. #thanksmom

Despite some lingering brain fog, I’m on the mend and wishing NO FLU FOR YOU!!!! Take care of yourself! Your health is your wealth! But even if you do get sick, always remember there is redemptive power in suffering. It’s hard to see outside ourselves when we feel terrible, but offering up your suffering for someone else is a beautiful way you can serve others when you can’t even serve yourself.

Stay healthy, friends, and wash your hands!!!