Mommymoon
I was given a true gift this weekend - a night away from my loving family.
I feel like the great paradox of young motherhood is this: the minute you get a break, you miss them, and the minute you get home, you need a break. And man, did I need a break. Last week, after a particularly rough afternoon of #1 not napping, and then waking up #2 early from her nap so that NONE of us were napping, it was apparent. I needed a mommymoon. Some couples take babymoons before their bundle arrives, but my already birthed bundles were driving me nuts. Plus, I'm past the time I can travel in my pregnancy so I needed something else. Have you ever been on a silent retreat? Well, a mommymoon is like that but with a little less praying. (But trust me, you'll be sending up praise the whole time you're gone!)
Motherhood is hard. And noisy. So if your husband is amazing like mine & gives you the green light to peace out for a night, here are your next steps:
Immediately book hotel room before hubby changes his mind. (Use points - don’t worry about saving these for a flight – you’re about to have a baby – you won’t be flying anywhere anytime soon)
Plan for a Saturday afternoon for optimal time away – check in is 3pm? See you @ 2:59. Then Ross Geller that stay until 11:59 on Sunday.
Pack water, snacks & plenty of singles – you will tip everyone so you don’t have to carry anything or leave your room for anything.
When the blessed day arrives, drive in euphoric state to your hotel, never-minding traffic, lane closures, or long lines. Nothing can steal your joy. After check-in, the goal is to not have to listen or talk to anyone for 21 hours. You should only have to say about 14 words after you get there:
Thank you (to bell hop)
Burger, medium well (to room service for dinner)
Thank you (to room service delivery guy)
Coffee, everything bagel (to room service for breakfast)
Thank you (again to bell hop)
Thank you (to valet)
If you thrive on interaction and connection with others and you’re slightly worried about being bored or lonely during your time away, don’t be. Once you’re in your room, do the following:
Take off bra. Put on comfy pants.
Text hubby you love him and wish him luck.
Text mom friends with celebratory emojis and photo of you in your empty, quiet room.
Take long, hot shower at 4 and even shave your legs. Or don’t. Because you can’t bend past your waist anymore.
Order room service at 5.
Solitary bliss.
Eat dinner at 5:45.
Climb into bed at 6.
Fall asleep to muted TV (remember, we are limiting noise)
Wake up at 11p & eat Oreos you brought from home.
Go back to sleep.
Wake leisurely.
Eat breakfast.
Pray for your hubby as he gets kids ready for church.
Go home a new woman.
NOTE: you may feel the urge to call home and check in. RESIST THIS URGE! Texting is fine, but do not call. Although your hubby has it completely under control, he will have his hands full, put you on speakerphone, and your kids will go nuts when they hear you. You don’t need to hear that or the slightly frantic trill in your hubby’s voice. Distance makes the heart fonder and the mind saner. Give them space to miss you!
Now in the event you don’t have points or cash to spare for a hotel, hit up your sister or friend with no children and a guest room & soak up the silence. She’ll be in your boat sooner or later and you can pay it forward then.
In conclusion, the next time you see a pregnant (or frazzled-looking) woman alone at hotel check-in, for goodness sake, don’t talk to her, just give a knowing smile & silent Arsenio Hall arm pump and let her go about her mommymoon-ing day.
