The Making of a Breaking
We kicked off summer with our second annual beach vacay. Some may say scheduling your vacation for Memorial Day weekend is like peaking early, but it’s not brutally hot yet and let’s face it, if you get appendicitis two weeks prior, you’re lucky you went anywhere at all! You may not be able to get in the water but you CAN get in your bathing suit! Nothing like a little surgery to help you shed those last stubborn pounds of baby weight. #silverlining
If you do take a trip on the heels of surgery, you must go with a friend who won’t mind parenting her three kids as well as one of yours most of the time. You still can’t lift the children, and your hubby will be too busy chasing your tent into rattlesnake country (those coastal breezes are exceptionally strong) to monitor how much sand the baby is eating. Which is a lot.
This is not gonna work.
But after the tent situation is rectified and there is actual shade to put your extremely pale children under, you can relax a little. Not a lot, mind you, because as previously discussed, this is a summer work trip, not a true vacation, but you will enjoy the ocean and your friends because everything is better when you parent together. Which is why it makes it even harder to come home. Our actual vacation was great, and my 2 week appendectomy induced momcation was pretty sweet, too. Sure, I lost an organ, but y’all, I was living the freaking dream. Grizz would take the kids to the YMCA in the morning, then I would have a sitter, family or friends helping until Grizz got home from work or the baby went to bed, whichever came first. All that help translated into quiet time. Alone time. Nap time. FOR ME.
The problem with having a revolving door of help means you get rusty. That mom muscle, much like your other muscles you can’t work out for 6 weeks, starts to deteriorate. And moms gotta stay on top of their game at all times because children can sense weakness. Even if you’re holed up in your room, hopped up on Tylenol 3, it’s important to come out every once in awhile and yell at somebody so they still know who’s boss.
Even with those periodic displays of dominance, it’s hard to get back into your normal routine after a substantial break. You looked forward to the babysitter or surprise guest who came over everyday just as much (or more) than the kids did. What do you mean it’s just us? No one else is coming?? What are we GOING TO DO?!?!?!?
Just as kids can sense weakness, they can also sense fear. Do not let them know you are suddenly afraid to parent them alone! You may have had two weeks off but you’ve been a mom of three for an entire year! You survived nap strikes, teething, and potty training! You cleaned carseat vomit and didn’t vomit yourself! You saved the rug and caught that turd barehanded! YOU CAN DO THIS!
Despite those super motivating (and true) affirmations, I wasn’t feeling it. After we got home from the beach, I was exhausted. Do not believe your doc when he says you’ll be back to fighting mom mode in 2 weeks. If you still have surgical glue peeling off your incisions, you are not “back” yet. Despite your extremely youthful appearance you are not as young as you think. Your four year old may have said you were twenty seven on the Mother’s Day card she made you at school, but you and your body know she left off an entire decade. The physical, mental, and emotional stress of surgery may leave you feeling a little more overwhelmed than usual which means recovery may take longer than you or your young-ish doctor who is not a stay at home mom of three might think.
You may still be recovering and in need of a little help if you:
Order 4 parenting books one day
Research 4 marriage counselors the next day
Question all your life decisions the day after that
Welcome to Breakdown City. Population: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Had I lost all my marriage and mothering mojo? Much like my daughters at their first swim lesson, I was struggling to stay afloat. I felt like my vocations were drowning me. And these are vocations I chose, and love! In college, it took me forever to declare a major. I never had a clear career path. But I know I was called to be a wife. I know I was called to be a mom. Why did this suddenly feel so hard??
Just like my daughters’ swim instructor lifted them up when they were floundering, God reached down and yanked me from the water. God loves to come to us through other people. And podcasts, apparently, cuz He sent me two. One was by Joel Osteen who said we’ve been Designed to Withstand. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and nothing you face will be more than what you’ve been designed for. Just like the guy at the YMCA who saw me add an impressive 5 lbs to my lat pulldown said, You are stronger than you think!
The other podcast was by Fr. Mike Schmitz on How to Pick Up Your Cross. (From megachurch pastor to Catholic priest - that’s just how I roll.) By saying yes to our crosses - the ones we chose (marriage, motherhood), and the ones we didn’t ask for and don’t want, (a loss, an illness) we are honoring God. But the important part is knowing that we don’t have to do it alone! We carry those crosses for His sake, by His side, and with His strength.
I may be strong, but God, do I need Your strength! Most days, my crosses feel very light. They don’t feel like crosses at all. But on the days they do, like after my surgery, I will tell you what my wise and wonderful mom told me, “We’ve all been there, but you can’t stay there.”
I’m back home from Breakdown City. I can’t say for certain I won’t visit again, but I know that wherever I go, and whatever cross I’m carrying, He is with me. Thanks be to God for that.
